As you read this, are you checking to see if you yourself are a member OF THE 5%?. Have you waited longer than normal for the Stewardess to bring you that drink?. Ever been given – the smallest room in the Hotel? Been refused that last drink in the hotel bar as they close? Told that “it’s too late to book for tomorrows excursions”? Had your air-conditioning unit play up? - If you answer “yes” to any of the above, you are, or at least perceived to be in the 5% gang. All is not lost however. On completion of this little TALE OF BLOGGS, you will have been made aware of many of the situations created by the gang – and, with practise, can learn to return to the fold – enjoy the perks of being in the happy majority – and never again be given the last seat on the plane near the toilet! Tip – any person who finds it difficult to run a temperature, should not join a tour which involves walking. Why is it that many gang members are individuals waiting for hip replacement operations – but insist on touring, and also insist in blaming the tour operator for the distances involved?
Another tip for “the Gang”. Tour Operators, as a group, are generally good people, and often have had varied experiences of other professions, and frequently more qualified than the majority of the people in their care. It is often a fact that once people join a group for touring, they suddenly feel the need to treat the tour operator as a sort of personal slave – to be abused at will, given no respect, and to generally treat in a poor way……………..take a tip if you feel you may be falling into the “group” – learn respect for the Operator – treat them as human beings, for, they have the power to make or break your trip. They ask for no favours – just common decent behaviour. Try it – it will work.


Invisible Bands
OK - The Airhostess has a trolley with invisible elastic bands which, as soon as the trolley makes its way down the isle for the purpose of providing food or drink, will shoot out from the wheels and land squid like on several passengers – usually the largest ones on the flight, or on occasions a thin one with small child.
At this point the elastic will tighten and the travellers will stand up and move at speed toward the toilets – totally unaware that the trolley is blocking the way. They look at the trolley, then the stewardess, then back to the trolley – unwilling to give way, for this is their time – their right of passage.
Not such a problem I suppose with a thin one with child in tow, but the larger variety – more dangerous.
There can be no more forlorn sight on a flight than the bulging man or woman – heeding the call of the elastic bands, then heading toreador like towards the bull of a trolley – only to swivel at the last moment, present his or her ample arse to the trolley like some warped version of a Gibbons mating dance, in the vain hope of squeezing past – Camel, easier, and eye of a needle spring to mind – but the stewardess has see it all before.
With a knowing look, she puts the bull into reverse to allow the Gibbon to pass – knowing only too well that this mating dance is only half done, for within 5 mins, and no more than 3 rows of hungry passengers later, the Gibbon will be wanting to return to the welcoming seat. The stewardess is, of course aware that the elastic bands, now released, have whipped around and stuck on the heads of some other fatties, and its only a matter of time and tension before they to, spring up to face the bull.

Why do they wait until that exact time to spring up you ask? Well, it’s not their fault – it’s the invisible elastic band coupled with the mathematical equation: AH+T = III or Air Hostess with trolley = Idiot in Isle.

Example 2
When the plane lands and eventually stops, why do the majority of people spring to their feet rooting around for bags and such, only to stand still in a huddled queue for another 10-15 mins? SIT DOWN

A collection of true events, from Choir Tours organised by: Martin Watkins [MARTY] – , and various travellers, mostly Choristers. The names have been changed to protect the guilty!

-1-
5% GANG

Introduction from Marty before the tours begin

Without doubt, touring Choristers have fun on tour. Obviously arranging trips both near and far present various problems for the organiser, but in general, the touring Choir enjoy themselves, and as nothing in this world ever goes 100% as planned, the majority of any touring group overlook any minor hiccups and look at the bigger picture. However, on average, 5% of any touring group – no matter how large or small, FIVE PERCENT will moan – CONSTANTLY.
Examples:
The weather is either too hot or too cold.
The hotel is either too far out of the City, or if central, too noisy at night.
If it’s a 5 star hotel – the drinks are too expensive, if a 3 star “why couldn’t we stay in a better hotel”
“My hip is hurting and I can’t walk that quickly or that far” – [although if a free meal is on offer, they manage to jump Gazelle like from a coach to be the first in line for any crumbs on offer]
The food is either “too foreign” or too much like home – too spicy or too plane - ergo why travel.
The internal flight prices are a rip off, but the coach journeys are too long.
The hotel rooms are either too small, or if large – too unwelcoming and cold.
The water in the shower is too week or too strong, or too cold.
The concerts are either too far apart, or too close together.
The beds are too soft or too hard.
The day trips involve too much walking or the guides spoke too quietly or their accents were too strong.
The air conditioning is too loud, or too ineffective.
And so on and so on.
This 5% “Gang” is ever present.

A brief start

Hi
This Blog is written by "Mozart"
Over the next few months, I will give you an insight into Choirs on Tour - sounds boring eh? Read on.
M